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Why the Heart Must Crack in Order for it to Grow

love and relationships

The thing about me, is that I’ll try anything once. Twice if I like it. I’m the kind of person that needs direct experience to define my understanding of life. You might be that way too. Especially if you’ve landed upon this article. For, as the universal law of attraction goes, like attracts like.

I once dated someone who was close to 60 years old. Nearly double my age and a few years younger than my father. Reflecting back now, I can say to myself, “What the hell was I thinking?!” But in the moment, I was in it for the experience. There was a heart connection– a damn strong one that was impossible to resist. He was a yogi, like me, the first yoga dude I’ve dated, and a teacher, like me, and, for the first time, that deepest part of me, my essence, was seen and understood.

Did I dive in wholeheartedly? Oh yeah. I’m a lover. I love to love. Did I give myself completely? Oh yeah. What else is there to do in a relationship? Did I move through a ton of karmic baggage from the unfolding of our union? Oh yeah. And thank God for that.

Every relationship we embark upon is karmic. That’s just a fact. Through laws of which are unseen to the human eye, there is a magnetic force that draws us to these certain individuals in our lifetime. We’re joined and bonded by love– the safest and most powerful force to hold the container for doing deep inner spiritual work. We all come into this world with our “stuff.” Our habits, tendencies and issues of resistance and fear that we need to heal and rewire back to Love. Love is our innate state.

loveGandhi says, “Love is the subtlest force in the world. This in an invitation. If we can rest through the heart of the matter, we will, eventually, find ourselves hearing the subtle- and then even subtler aspects of our consciousness. Herein lies the promise of the endeavor: at the heart of the subtle, we will find Love. If we can ride the tides of the mind, we will, finally arrive in Love. This is the grace of the natural movement of consciousness- this is your mind, your life. We will find that love is, indeed, the very material of Life itself.

So, are we still together? No. Was he the right person for me? For a minute. Was the relationship sustainable? No. Was it difficult to break up? Yes and no. Did my heart break? Cracked is a better word for it.

The thing about breaking up in relationships– it seems as if for the majority, most are afraid of saying sayonara. There is a undertone of separation anxiety that ties people together longer than is ultimately healthy for them both. The world has got to get over that. The sooner we say bye bye to something stagnant and unhealthy, the sooner we can say hello to something wholesome and healthy.

Not all relationships are meant to last “forever.” That’s only an illusion from American films made by Disney with princess/prince characters that have been imprinted onto the society of the Western culture. Relationships are meant to last for as long as they’re supposed to. Each one is different. There’s no contract binding person A to person B. We choose who we want to be in relationship with, we choose who we want to be associated with, we choose who we want to keep in our lives. Nobody’s forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. If it’s not serving you on a higher plane, let it go! Unless you’re comfortable in monotony, of course.

We all have karma to work out with people. With ourselves, with others, with life. That’s what the Yogis say, that’s what the Buddhists say, that’s what most the ancient texts and holy scriptures from the East say. Everything we feel and experience in life is because we need to heal it. Heart break and death is just as much a part of life as falling in love and being alive. It happens.

The heart must crack in order for it to grow. The more you feel, the wiser you are. Profess your love! Don’t hold back! Refine and redefine the connection, clarity and quality of your very own heart. Expand your definition of love. Your ability to say ‘it’s all good’ is your willingness to dance both in the darkness and the light. Knowing when to stay together and when to say goodbye is essential for your spiritual growth.

I’ve had so many relationships in this lifetime. Each one showing me something I needed to learn to take into my next relationship. Each one providing me with more awareness, growth, compassion and greater understanding of what Love truly means, to hopefully make me a better partner to be with and to show up as in my next relationship. Then, hopefully we all get to the place in which the relationship can be sustainable as well as mutually beneficial and uplifting as we both continue to grow as individuals and nourish and nurture our union higher and higher.

If that’s something that sounds appealing to you, get to know yourself and what you’re made up of! What’s running through your veins. Heal your Heart. Heal your Body. Heal your Mind. Heal your Soul. Invite Spirit into the landscape of your life. Let Spirit guide you and show you the way. If relationship is embarked upon with real Love and Intimacy, it has the power to HEAL and move you from those places inside that used to debilitate you to a domain of spaciousness, trust and unconditional Love.

Make MORE LOVE! Say YES to relationships and don’t be afraid to break up if necessary. It was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I found who I have now.

Photo Credit: Helga Weber, Neal Fowler

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